Out of the Office

Thank you for visiting.

Living the Dream will be on hiatus from December 24 - January 10, while John is, un-ironically, Living the Dream on the island of Kauai.

Unavailable by cell, email or boat.

If your need is urgent, send a messenger pigeon post-haste.

Plenty of dream fodder when I return.

I hope I meet a pirate.

-Dreamer

Engagement

I've been absent lately. I'm sorry.


"What have you been doing?"


Mostly calling, emailing and responding to the warm outreach from friends and family to share the news that Alyson and I are officially engaged.


I need a new topic for commentary for 2009.


Lots more to come. Delivery via microblog "Minnesota Groom: A Male's Scarcastic Commentary of the Wedding Process"

Guerrillas

According this article, the producer of the shoe "Model 271" tossed at President Bush, projects four times the amount of revenue than seen in previous years on this specific model, due to the shoe throwing incident.

Political guerrilla employing guerrillia marketing? Brilliant.

I want to be on the team that gets to concept television ads for the "Bye-Bye Bush" Turkish-made shoe.

For kicks (wakka, wakka), here it is.

Something Big

As the title suggests, something big happened yesterday.

I'm going to let this simmer with John Q. Public until I've done due diligence reaching out to my key stakeholders - i.e. family, friends and various frat house personnel.

Stay tuned for synopsis, analysis and various other sis-sises.

Creatives Grow Better in the Southwest

This is a fantastic little ditty from Rubber Republic.

The Rooster, The Chick and The Ring

Aly likes to remind me of the non-engagement factor we have brewing in our relationship.

Her heated, animated and dramatic depictions have obscurely described her feelings of a “less than desirable” situation.

My favorite interaction to date, took place last night.

Fueled by red wine and estrogen from her monthly girls-only get together, she returned home to engage (pun intended) in the topic.

“So, why aren’t we?” was the ambiguous kickoff to the conversation.

The half-assed, “what are you talking about?” put us squarely in discussion mode.

Back and forth volleys uncovered reoccurring topics. Top line being one person is more than ready to make the jump and one person is probably close to the edge, but not ready to parachute down into the matrimony abyss.

The pinnacle of the conversation, and motivation for sharing this story, peaked with Aly authoritatively stating:

“What are you waiting for? A chick to hatch?? Well, I have news for you – I am not a rooster!”

While the literal translation is up for discussion, she makes the implied translation crystal clear.

She has a way of doing that.

To her credit, Aly has a perfect demeanor about the whole situation – patient and thoughtful. It’s the times when those brew over that make the most interesting.

I felt compelled to share this, if for no other reason, to show how someone has successfully used a rooster hatching an egg as an analogy for engagement trepidation.


As a post-script to this story, my relationship saga seems to make its way into conversations with co-workers - what I’m attributing to working with 86% women.

Tuesday I showed up to work wearing a sweater, my number 1 jeans* and big boy shoes** - what I thought to be acceptable clothes for a cold and snowy Minneapolis winter day.

By the end of the day Thursday, allegedly was not only engaged but had a baby on board.

Colle+McVoy needs to hire more men.


*Number 1 jeans refer the ranking system all men have for their jeans. Men rank jeans in order of preference – favorite jeans as Number 1, second favorite as Number 2 and so on.

Whether men admit to doing this or not is moot – all do it subliminally. Also to note, men do not buy jeans that will not become their new Number 1.

I would hypothesize women do this as well, however, I have no proof.


**Not skateboarding shoes.

Manifest Destiny

This is curtousy of Found.com.

Look at bullet point 6. "No farting without OUR permission."

The implication that this list was written by more than one people makes me want to pee my pants.

If they are creating their club's manifest destiny, I want no part of it.

Wood Handle Bars Part II

Follow up entry to my post earlier this week on the recently completed wood handle bars for my fixed gear bike.

As promised, photos: 

My next project is inspiration from Fast Boy Fenders.  I'll let you know when I get this started.

Also, I'm slowly realizing that posting photos of bicycle handle bars makes me a huge nerd.

I'm strangely okay with it.

Thanks for understanding.

67 Cents

Caught in the act! Consuming money. MONEY?! Really?

Otis, our self-asserted bonehead, was found eating coins in the hallway. Pennies, nickels and trembling quarters from my sacred laundry fund, were being funneled down like sour apple tooters.

Brash.  Especially in this economy.

Evidently, organic Dog Chow is less appetizing than hardened nickel and copper.

I was going to scold, but realized he would eventually pay.

Literally.

The Beer Cart Approach

I was at a Minnesota Wild hockey game with Aly when the following event occurred:

Location: Beer Cart

Participants: Aly, Moustached Beer Cart Woman, John and crowded beer line

Interaction:

Aly: What kind of beer do you have?

Moustach: Miller Lite, Budweiser or Boulevard

Aly: Hmm. I don't know.

John: Just pick one.

Aly: I don't know what I want.

John: Just pick one, it's probably one keg and three taps anyway.

Aly: Maim, what's the darkest out of the three?

Moustache: Maim, I have no idea.  I'm just pulling the tap.

This is today's revelation:

At a sporting event, you don't order a beer by type, you order by number.

Push button nachos and door stop pretzels are hardly the environment to engage taste buds.*  And deciphering different beers from sweat soaked tap lines is an exercise in futility.

A beer cart approach must be confident and quick.  Like Ellen - in and out.

John's steps for ordering beer at the game:

1. Pull cash from wallet in preparation of approach - rounding up to the next dollar amount from the total cost of your beverage purchase (i.e. if you order one beer for $7.75, hand over $8.00)

2. Raise hand to head high, extending the number of fingers as number of beers you wish to receive (incorporate additional hands/fingers if necessary)

3. While approaching cart, loudly confirm the number of outstretched fingers appearing on hand/hands (acceptable to vocally repeat the number as many times as necessary)

Avoid quips such as "You, sir, are a craftsman" or "God made you, then the tap" which inhibit speedy transactions.

Smile, but not too much.

Stand close enough to the cart to turn over your money and not let anyone cut in front of you.  But don't stand so close that you rub against the cart.  Then you get all that mystery liquid stuff all over your shirt and look like a sticky idiot.

Focus on the money.  Then the number.  Then, the sweet taste of success.

Make me proud.

*Unless you are from Wisconsin.

Kauai

The day to day countdown is officially on for Aly and my trip to Kauai.

We've been researching recommended hikes and recipes for mai tais.

If this doesn't make you want to want to but your life on screen saver, I don't know what does.

Pulled from Frommers.com - even better that it was coded as nightlife:

Some insist on viewing the sunset with a locally made tropical mai tai. The entire day can be built around the sunset - shopping for the mai tai ingredients, checking the angle of the sun, and swimming with the knowledge that your big, salty thirst will soon be quenched with a tall, homemade mai tai on one of the world's best beaches.

When the sun is low, mix your tropical drink using fresh lime juice, fresh lemon juice, fresh orange juice, passion-orange-guava juice, and fresh grapefruit juice, if possible.

Pour this concoction on ice in a tall, frosty glasses and then add Meyer's rum (got to love the product placement), in which Tahitian vanilla beans have been soaking for days.

That's all the convincing we needed to keep our head above water for the next three weeks.

Wood Handle Bars

They are finished.

My first attempt at customized wood bicycle handle bars.  The final clear coat is currently drying and I've never wanted to beat my chest in manly type fashion more than I do right now.

What's better than riding a bike without brakes through the streets of Minneapolis?

Riding a bike without brakes with wood handle bars.  As if the brakeless excitement in itself wasn't enough - factor in handle bars that may splinter into a thousand pieces at moment.

Simple and fantastic.

Curious what wood bicycle handle bars looks like?  Check out WoodHandleBar.com.  Ken Carroll just launched this website and was a big help emailing a few starter tips.

I'll get some some pictures up once I have them attached to the bike.

Go ride.